Stagie

And i couldnt help but realize that as i dance, my eyes search for you and then i finally found you and almost immediately i knew that i wanted you..

Ahh ok. Missed training today for the first time cuz body couldnt keep up. Feels so good performing, truly is a blessing to be able to do so. Altho arms wanted to die. ugh. So yup response was great. Cedar girls got GWH, holy cow. And some friends are at bronze. I am a wreck. I think we're at silver and there is just no way that should happen. Ugh why am i so cowardly against how i feel..

I am so scared what if i have tuberculosis omg ive been having this cough since forever and sore throat just came back and you have no idea what its like when i wake up in the middle of the night coughing till tears and making puking sounds and reaching out for my best hope, which is a big fat bottle of Plum Juice.
Please please please recover soon :'((((((

When life gives you lemons

Finally got to lie down. With eyemasks now.
I bumped into some sense.
Here we go.

I ASKED FOR STRENGTH.
And God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I ASKED FOR WISDOM.
And God gave me problems to solve.

I ASKED FOR PROSPERITY.
Ad God gave me brain and brawl to work.

I ASKED FOR COURAGE.
Ans God gave me danger to overcome.

I ASKED FOR LOVE.
And God gave me troubled people to help.

I ASKED FOR FAVORS.
And God gave me opportunities.

I RECEIVED NOTHING I WANTED,
i received everything i needed.

SOMETIMES STRUGGLES ARE
exactly what we need in our lives.

IF GOD WOULD ALLOW US TO go through or lives without any obatacles,
it would cripple us.

-

A Chrstian guy asked a muslim: Why do your girls cover up their body and hair?

The muslim guy smiled and got two sweets, he opened the first one and kept the other one closed. He threw them both on the dusty floor and asked the Christian: if i asked you to take one of the sweets, which one will you choose?

The Christian replied: The covered one.

Then the muslim said thats how we treat and see our women.

-

Got em from tumblr and a friend. So much sense i didnt first think of.. No matter how ugly i freakin am now, or how much people dont notice me or my efforts, slowly but surely it will all work out.. Even if nobody had seen it, i know one has always believed in me. No matter how low my self esteem is, i have to break it. I ask for so much ease from God and im returned wirh even more pain. Why, so that when i get through with the pain, i get the whole package in return. Feel all the ease i wabt, but pain never stops. Life is always unfair.

"Fantasy is useful, you can learn from it.
But this is real, and i accept it."

With much love,
goodnight.

Five six one

Frankly, for me,
Nothing beats the joy of baking (esp with cute little sweethearts like the one above)
Friday Nights are my baking nights, and however tired i am i still will bake something up, and feeling of satisfactory after that..feels best!
Its like the whole week's tiredom and frustration just flows into my baking..but the end product is all out of love.
Haha ironic.
And then theres super loads of things i bake that my family probably dont really like cuz they are too sweet etc.
But the best part is when i share it with my friends and they liking it just make me smile.
Actually i dont know if they really like it or not, but it feels good to be able to share and give :)
Maybe i should live out to share what im able to make.
If i cant sell cookies because *ahem* then i can sell coookie dough!! :P lol
And i wanna try cakes but theres some issues haha.
Hm, beware everyone, i might start a business :P
So fun so fun so fun.
N i love afi, he sorta helped me bake altho some accidents happened ;x hehe
But it just annoys me that my baked stuff are not what i expect them to be. :(
Nvm shall try harder, n at least theyre all baked with love :)

So big

The time to step on another big stage is coming pretty soon.
But this time, we will be judged.
Heck, i am so fricken scared.
Dance, love you muacks :*

Where got time :B

Ahh, Terry made me fall in love with this after he sang it.
Haha :B

Way to wrap up Camp Success.
Sec 3s came down with their camp instructors.. Ahh made me miss camp :(
N they had this real short instructor, made me think what if my brother ends up like him..
N what if i marry a short guy..
HAHA real cute tho! :P Heheh

Ahhhh on the bad side..
SO MANY PIMPLES I HAVE TO GET RID OF THEM DURING THE WEEKENDS MY BODY IS ACHING AGAIN MY ARMS CANT HOLD UP SO HIGH SO LONG AND I HAVE TWO PERFORMANCES NEXT WEEK.
TO TOP IT ALL OFF,
ITS ALL HAPPENING BECAUSE IM GONNA GET MY PERIOD.

ARGH EFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jangan lalai

Today @ kbmac was just super weird.
Every day @ kbmac is just super weird!!

Anyway..
Pimples are appearing everywhere.
Tiredness n sleepiness are startin to kick in REAL fast n very too long.
Eating many alot..
Mood startin to swing fast..
Impatient, annoyed, feeling left out..
Anyone wanna guess whats happenin soon..?

"Forget it, baby, lets go."

Glenn Chua is mad sexy!!! N Dynesh is so cute lol!! :B

Oh yeah one reason. Just 1 reason.
1. Your smile, hands down. Makes anyone, anyone at all, smile with you.

I like what i cant have but id like to believe its better to like it that way.

(Y) GIRLS (Y) FRIENDS (Y) LIFE

170311;

Was great, made me feel like if you dread something, youll turn out to actually enjoi it.

Haha i got really mabuk in the movie and after, head acted up and i think we were too close to the screen n i was really not used to it i guess.

Nad bought me Panadol, haha shes too nice. :B

Yep, i was leading in bowling UNTIL Zilah striked so yup she won.

Hehe n we were supposed to have a punishment for the last two but we seemed to have forgotten about it ;x

Reached home later than expected, but i had an awesome time.

:B

Love you girls!

We all love Zilah!. ;P teehee

Walao, height~

I didnt know my hair looked like this from behind.

Apshyck~!

Beth Riesgraf

Beth Riesgraf

aka Parker in Leverage

Omg i love her, shes so gorgeous and i love her personality.

And shes weird as Parker.

N she has a son called Pilot Inspektor.

How weird yet cool huh!

Gonna cut my hair like her after SYF teehee.

Ahhh and you should watch her in Cath from Death Cab for Cutie.

IDOL.

Yay omg Beth Riesgraf ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ :B

R u awake

My head is spinning, your name is everywhere, its not helping, my heart slows down and quickens at the same time, i feel like i could burst..
For i like (you).

Just kidding. Heheh :P

Doin doin doin~

Hi all!

My cousin (picture) is so cute huh!! Haha :P

So yeah man had such an awesome weekend, and Ajul just left..

Pretty hectic while the Dzuls are here ahaha and now its just so quiet.

So ive been thinkin, bout how many people ive hurt..

But i cant tell my heart to do it, really.

My head wont settle for something my heart cant reach out to.

So im sorry.

Im pretty much amazed (?) that im still in your heart/mind.

I mean, its been sucha long time.

I know how you feel, though.

Wanting something you cant have.

And you'd hold on for so long thinking it will all work out when the other person's feeling this way..

Its crappy, really.

But we cant do anything..

So anyway, ive been tired, or LOOKING tired, or..yeah.

How crappy.

And dance today was fine..

And he, is so so fine.......

whysee.

Nights all!! :P

PRNS

Watching Ninja Storm now with Ajul, cant figure out if my favorite's Green or Blue Ranger.. Both so kacak.. LOL!

"You picked the wrong green ranger to mess with" *takes out saber*
"Wow what a nice swordddd~!."
"Excuse me but its a saber!."

Hahaha :B

11th March

Happy Birthday Dad, love you much you are the man of my life mwahxz :*

So i realized how true it is that you dont realize what you have till its gone. N i gotta say..
That i reread our conversations from last year and i saw how pretty close we were and how you once or twice mentioned i was your best friend.. N pretty much no other guy had said that before. N those days we stayed back to study in class in this awkward yet comfortable silence with random conversations.. N how you always text me to help you out with your rs n how id talk to you about him.. How annoying and painful it is to think its all gone just like that n we hardly talk anymore. Its just so weird how things could change. How much more weird it is for me to say that i actually miss you.... :/
That how results sets such a huge impression on you.. Just by looking at your results, people judge you. Even your own family.. N then this voice in my brain tells me to work harder.. I want to succeed, i wanna make it n show it.. Your results is what takes you far.. And i have to work much harder.
That while your day is fine, not everyone else's is.. While im doing fine in school n at home, our fellow Asian country just got thru with a disaster.. Just when i thought the world would cool down a little.. Why cant we have peace. It just scares me, really.
That ive grown so fat.
That Change is not an idiot. But you are. I am.

Nights have a good holiday take lotsa care :)

Today was a fine bzz day :)

To you, from me. :)

You know who you are.

Well, i guess it applies to me too.

Change is an idiot

by Dexnell Gervais Peters

It is eight o'clock

Four hours from the time

As anxious as I am

Waiting is just sad

I fall asleep glad

Expecting to awake from the hands of someone

With hugs and kisses and gifts

Nothing ever goes wrong

Today it did

No hands approached me

I awoke on my own time

To meet nothing or no one by my side

The house empty

The town scanty

Change is an idiot.

:)

Happy Birthday Mom i love you forever muacks :')

I realize we're getting older each day.. And i really have to start to do more things.. Do things that im scared of.. Dont do the easy things.. Dont get caught up when im put way back or down low.. Dont give a shit when i get scolded.. Know that life is a struggle, and that we have to at every phase of life.. I have to start to chase. I have to learn rejection so i can move on, cuz if not i will only hold on to silly things.. I have no time to bzz around no more. Time to have you.. Time to have fun. :B

"Heheh!! You are like not here!!" haha cute aunty of mine.

Aiya, you..

Day has finally come

Yup its Monday again.
On Saturday i came back from dance and slept.
On Sunday i came back from Madrasah and slept.
It was like 15hour sleep dammit. Felt so so good.
I found that im just trying to catch as much sleep as i can at any time possible. Jajaja!
I had the time to cook 8 super mini pancakes (5 of which im bringing to school) and 2 eggs (half of which im bringing to school as well) and im readyyy..
Not.
L8r :)

With shells

Self-love has GOT to happen real soon.

I found out depression hits hardest when you realize its not because everyone hates you;

but because you hate yourself.

There's definitely a LOT of disapprovals and rules in my family.

As hard as i try to accept and keep myself in the square, i am only a teenager.

But different.

Hm, okay, abrupt stop here.

Lost my train of thoughts.

Anyway, nothing i did made me feel better.

But it is what it is.

Everytime i get over something, someone has to bring it up again.

And then id mull over it again.

Sucks when, the people around you could but you couldnt.

The people around you are but you arent.

And i got frustrated.

Everytime im up front, ill be sent waaay back.

I thought that my height already gives away.

But i dont think so no more.

Am i really that worthless?

Oh yeah and dont say all those things anymore please..

I just suck, right?

Forget about it, forget about me lah.

I need a spark, its about time i step my game up.

Fat fries

2nd March '11

1. The day i failed English FOR THE FIRST TIME, and trust me, it was really hard up on me, i have NEVER failed English IN MY ENTIRE LIFE ugh. Pains me pains me pains me, and i have never gotten so low for Compo. Stupid bell curves, a sixty is a C6 are you crazy mad?!?!? My Greg, why yall so hard.

2. I passed Mathematics. Holyyy craaaap. Failed English and passed Maths what crap is this!

3. Rest myself well, yup, so damn well for tomorrow i will die once again. Oh my Greg, you have NO idea what its like.. Youre SO tired and you try SO hard but others wouldnt, and you all die in the end. You have NO idea.

4. I REALLY think there is something wrong with me, or maybe just my study method.. Im not studying enough. I keep telling myself this yet i do nothing to change it. I know im tired, but i also know im weak. When its a free day, i tell myself to rest instead of study. And my study-able time is so SO off. Almost teared in school because of this. If i carry on like this i will receive shitty results, more fails or more Cs and no As at all. What about all those dreams i had when i first started, where did they go? I know; ive just been too damn tired to even think about what i want, let alone strive for it. :'(

5. Just gotta remind myself that in this world we can NEVER work alone, there are always other people, even if you dont want/intend to impress them, they are still there you still have to work with them and they will still judge you. You either get hard on them or be gentle. I choose to be gentle by nature. And not everyone will work as hard as you do, even if you want that G and you put in all for it, not everyone else will. You have to either brainwash them into thinking the same way you do or just leave them be and let them let you fail.

Goodnight.

NEVER

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

Its not always rainbows and butterflies
Its compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs her to catch you everytime you fall.....

She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5

We will all be loved, dont be sad :')
Awh, blister tore, no wonder my toes felt funny.. Why do blisters tear..
And my coughing is grabbing all my breath away..
Double and, i miss Mr Ng.. Lol..
"Whos absent today?!" "Mr Ng.."
Haaaaa~