Feeling this.

STOP FUCKING CRITISIZING ME YOU ASS.

this burning sensation in my stomach is not a good sign. i would really appreciate it if all of you dont talk to me now. i feel pain, i feel burn, i feel numb. painfully numb. im feeling this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpoViLW2scc

im a bad person, you dont like me.

i cried myself to sleeep last night, nothing fucking happened at first i just began crying crying crying not knowing whats wrong hahaha i think im just mad or something but just before i fell asleep i finally got to know whats wrong and i just continued crying and when i got the last text message i threw my fucking mobile off my bed telling myself to get some sleep and try not to let it affect my papers today. yesyesyes im so fucking dumb for crying i know it doesnt help anything but if i were to be ranting back it would make things worse you know im trying, you dont see it but i can feel it everytime this happens we go back to start once again everything starts from A once again when you knew we were already at M and i feel how awkward it was when we talked this morning. i realize it already, been realizing it since forever. i disgust myself. fuck. i hate myself, for everything that i do or i did not do. im sorrey for everything, i said i will change and i swear i will. all im asking for is your patience and understanding right now. i know you hate that you love me. lets make this work once again can we? cuz we've only got ONE LOVE.

papers today were pretty awesome. esp malay. i think im good at writing for malay. if theres a Cerpen competition i wanna take part. maybe in the future i wanna create my own shows. i tend to write and show emotions better in malay. if you guys cant understand malay then sorry ah. :D i finsihed my karangan early so i thought of how it wld be if it were acted. :D

you better lose yourself in the music.

sayaaang william to the maxxxxxxxx, hes da bomb, hes da sex! i loveeeee my boyf fucking alot, i tell you. okay with that? nahhs, you dont have a choice. HAHAA. chao.

F1 Rocks!

Beyonce Knowles.
omg, look at that stage! i would lurve to perform on those kinda stages mansxz, so awesome!

Black Eyed Peas.
Fergie is totally hawtstuff, i lurve her outfit!
DJ Havana Brown.
oh my frick, shes fucking hawttttttttttttttt~! i wanna be like her! =P

Gee.
HottiE'zzati is at the race scene right now and im jealous.
Rafi also went cuz he got free tix from soccer and im jealous.
i feel like taking up/trying out Go-Karts now.
looks so fun, geeeee!
things i wanna doooooooooo ~ !
32 more laps &
Lewis Hamilton is leadinggggggggggg!

he is awesome and he looks alot like Obama. LOL. hope he wins, GO HAM! :D

sayaaaang william, okey? Get well soooon babyyyyyyyyyyy! ):

W.

MET BABY YSTD.
BABY IS SICK, BUT HE STILL MET UP WITH ME.
I WAITED FOR HIS BUS HOME.
BABY NEEDS MORE REST.
BABY NEEDS ME.
I LOVE BABY.

MY BABY MY LIFE. ;D

SAYAAAAAAAAAANG WILLIAM!

Raya.

Assalamualaikum!, so have you guys waited long enough? Gee, here it goes okay.

First Syawal ;
woke up pretty layte, at around 930am.
showered all, and then waited for Wak Yah & Maman Joe's family to come over.
kitchen was turned into a buffet, as you can see in the pix.
they arrived, and we start off w the apologizings.
i didnt cry much, neither did i say much. Aidie was in the way.
then camwhored.
and then we ate.
at around 130pm left ho me for the First house.
i thought of saving money by not buying a new pair of shoes,
but the shoes gave me attitude, it shrunk on me!
Mama noticed i was suffering, hahaa. so i kept sitting whenever there was a chance.
my first and last toe began to hurt so much.
off to Tpy afta that, back to amk and then back to my hse.
alot of people thought that me & Nebs were twins.
cooool ayeeee.
& alot of times i walked holding Mama's hand.
i couldnt tahan my feet, too much difficulties in walking. =.=
slept quite early.

Second Syawal ;
Visitors in early afternoon.
their children like WAAAAAAAH.
the boy, as you can see in the pix, in purple, was soo gorgeous!
he had such fair skin plus he was wearing eyeliner. he looked aLOT like Russell from Up. Geee!
gyeahs, when they left my fam headed out as well to Buangkok.
reached Hg, bought bubbletea and trained to Wak Yah's hse.
reached, chilled.
Wah Yah's voice turned to rock. nono, like hardcore rock. HAAHAA, it was awesome. i want that voice!
ar around 415 afta Asar, we took fam pix and all.
and then headed out for Tamp.
bused 27 & then 34.
walked a lil and reached Cik Jah's hse.
almost straight away headed for the food sia, hahaha!
ate, soto. it was fucking spicy but whats soto without spicyness right?
snapped pix of Rifqi, the boy in green playing w the phone. hes smart!
& then watched horror shows. this english show and then Pocong. freakyshit mansxz!
reached 8pm, began maaf-ing again, took fam pix and all, and then left.
reached home 1030, fucking tired.
slept for schoool. _l_

i must say, the day when you prepare/wake up for Hari Raya Aidilfitri is the best feeling i can ever feel. i cant explain why because i myself dont know. Heh! but really, mornings/nights of Hari Raya Aidilfitri is when i feel reaaaaaally happy. No, not because i can eat anytime i want, not because i dont have to sabar anymore. its just, its a very special day gyeahs?
its when i feel that my family is one. its when i feel that my house is a home. its when i feel that my fam really forgives each other no matter what. its when i feel that my fam will always be there for each other thru thick or thin. its when i feel that nobody can beat their love & care. its when i listen to Hari Raya songs and i reflect.
i know i didnt cry much this year, neither did i help out much. but that doesnt mean i dont care. ill still be there for my whole family no matther what. i love them. i need them.

Mama & Papa ; you both were the ones who grew me up, so had been there for me even before i was born. without both of you, there wouldnt be me. i now kind of understand bout why you do some things for me. because if you wouldnt have, i wouldve been a really spoiled child. i wouldve been one of then. im surprised when both of you were okay with me and my boyf. im surprised by how you gave me your trust. i love you Mama & Papa. ):

Hottie Sister E'zzati ; you were there for me almost all the time. we're better now, even tho we fight for fucking silly things. i still need you. you were there to listen to my complains. you were there to help me figure things out. you where there to help me in decisions. you were there to help choose my clothes. you were there for almost everything, you gave me what Sisters are supposed to give and a whole lot more. thank you for agreeing on some matters. i love you HottiE'zzati.):

Lil Brudder Iman ; hahahaaaaa. sorry if i called you katek or kental or whatever bullshit that comes out from me. i gotta say, Eve of Hari Raya was when i talked to you soo much. i spent a whole lot of time [to me lah] with you, in front of the fire, talking to you and camwhoring with you tho i know you were annoyed. still. thanks for giving me an annoying little brother. thats what little brothers are for, right? i love you Iman. ):

okay i didnt expect myself to type all that. =.=
but whatever it is, i kept crying typing that for my family. hahaha. ):
i didnt know i actually loved and/or appreciated them that much.
oh gyeahs,
and when i came online on the firt day of Hari Raya i was greeted with a,
Selamat Hari Raya bby! ;D
from who else but boyf. Geee.

take care peeeps! holla atcha!

Lost.

Assalamualaikum!

okay to keep you people updated.

Hari Raya was fucking awesome, i will update fully on those three days soon, those who wanna / going to read, i love you guys fucking much, to those who come for pictures, thanks alot, & to those who come to critisize, thanks for looking anyways.

tagboard removed btw. no reasons, if you wanna leave a comment you click on "Comments" on the bottom of post, okay? (:

i really wanna shop, Topshop Cotton On or blogshops, whatever. heading down to Cotton On with Atiqa <3

school's been okay for me, boleh tahan ar.

im feeling funny. i dreamt i had fever. i wish i have fever. i wanna skip school. Geeeee.

Life's pretty much alright now, awesome indeed.
Friday, im meeting baby. i miss him siaaaaaah. hes the best i eva had, & always will be. so good with words and everything. i love him so fucking much, do you? if you do then fuck ah!

Saturday, i wanna skip madrasah. i wanna go to both Atiqa's open house & Afyyfah's birthday party/open house. isnt it like, awesome? thn again, i dont have enough clothes.

tmr i be heading to Outram afta sku for my appt. damn, i just realized my braces sort of broke.

LASTLY, this part of my life just kinda sucks. bloody hell, i swear it frigginly sucks when you have fucking sensitive skin. & this time, its on my neck there, reaching my bloody face. if it does, imma quarrantine myself. Mama, help me please!

just hold on for my Hari Raya post aight? its awesome, i swear. Geeee (: okay bye!

Sayaaang William.

Eid Mubarak

With due respect of my family . Please .

Eve :

First Syawal :


















Second Syawal :

btw i took 3 days to upload all this. thank me now. Heeeee. enjoi ~