I am procastinating

My body is aching like mad once again

Good great awesome bloody much luck for me tomorrow

Need it need it need alot of it

Aint confident

& tired is all over me and my body

& my mind is not focused

Read title

Setting in a honeymoon

So lifes been better i guess.

For now.

This week has been so full of surprises and expectations(?)

There was a good Monday.

Where God made a dream of mine come true, and it was so superly alike that it freaked me out.

Maybe its a sign.

Tuesday went on fine.

Where i bumped into my cousin.

And then had dance in the afternoon and an extremely guilty McSpicy which ate all my allowance..

Wednesday, today, was fine too.

NTU, had Canadian Pizza.

We were looked at oddly by the people there.. HA!.

Suggested to enter Jaycee and then Uni.

But could i?

Hope i could please i could.

Fish farm.

Caught one fish.

ONE FISH =.=

One longkang fish =.= =.=

Yeah was extremely..proud/happy/excited/fascinated.

Atiqa gave me one fish.

And Sharmini gave me her white fish :D

Her place after school.

The one fish i caught died :(((((((((((((((((((((((

Burying it sometime tomorrow i guess..

Oh played weird games at Atiqa's house.

Yeah homed then and now..

Lets hope tomorrow will be a good day too.

And im going to Obor, again :)

Please be good.

Alhamdulillah.

;)

Polite like ice

I keep falling apart, just fuck this.

Keep it zero

Cannot take jokes.

And i luv luv luv festive street lights

YOU AGAIN

Hey.

So this morning at dance was pretty awesome.

Gonna finish soon ;)

& we found out that performance's NOT in school but in public and people are PAYING to watch the concert thingy.

& its on next Saturday. HA!.

Went back and Plan A was cancelled so Plan B was..planned? LOL.

Yeah and then i lay down and rolled around and fell asleep for about an hour =.=

So got ready and left :B

Went to Cine for YOU AGAIN!. :P

Yeah its a movie btw.

I was wondering it that would happen to me :/

All those hatred and jealousy and popularity shit.

When we grow old, would we go back to those times? Would we still be thinking about it? Would we be able to let go?

Its hard but one day i guess it has to happen huh :/

Nasty. High school is fucken nasty.

Oh bumped into Kak Effa too LOL :B

And i have settled my mind on MACBETH shoes ;)

So, Aidie's crib after that.

Watched Wujud :/

And now im just real sleepy.

Oh yah and in my previous post, that wasnt a fakey.

I mean, i meant it..

You found someone new, someone to replace me, and youre happier.

& we always have to remember that while youre happy, youre hurting someone else in the process or at the same time.

And, well, i get that.

Nights.

I was wondering if i ever fall out of love with you, would it matter?

I just wanted you to know and remember all the things you said to me and told me.

I bet those are things you never told anyone else.

I just wanted you to know and remember that ill always try to help you.

That is if you try to help yourself.

I just wanted you to know that i had never ever expected it to happen; so fast.

But it did in the end.

I just wanted you to know how i felt.

But i prolly wouldnt tell you.

I just wanted you to be there.

Well maybe not..

201010

201010
DIDNT GO AS BAD AS I THOUGHT
AHHHHHHHHHH FEELS GOOOOOD TO HAVE THAT THROB AGAIN
BUT

IS IT A SIGN?

:/ :B :O :P

Trip

Hey kids.

I wanna share a little something with ya'll today.

Firstly im gonna start of with thanking Allah for such awesome parents.

Apparently, theyve stopped scolding me whenever i fail my exams or get bad grades.

But, of course not so bad bad lah.

Kay so point is.

I got some of most of my results back today and,

they arent sweeeet.

And i came to this uhm, conclusion..?

That id pretty much prefer if my parents scolded me if i get bad results.

I mean, they have a stand.

Alright i know "its good that my parents understand" but..

Its not about whether my parents know i studied or not..

But its more to like..

disappointment?

I mean, my parents keep saying "its okay if you dont do well cause at least you worked hard for it and put in effort :)"

and ya'll prolly think its cool BUT

its just painful for me cuz i feel that ive crushed their hopes.

If not theirs, my own.

I may not have disappointed them but i have disappointed MYSELF.

And i feel like im lying to them and myself, and its not enough.

Eff.

I see all those smart kids in all those smart schools and i think to myself,

their parents spend SO MUCH money compared to mine and they can make their parents happy and all with the results they bring home but,

my parents spend THAT MUCH money compared to theirs and i cant even make my parents happy and all with the results i bring home.

Like how much more unappreciative can i be?!

Maybe theyre just born smart or something but,

why can i BE smart?

I know ive been trying but why cant i try harder?!?!?!

Why am i so concerned about trying to help others more than trying to help myself?!

What is wrong with me.

I just fear that its too late.

All the money my parents put in for tuition and everything.

All seemed to go to waste.

I wasted it.

All of it.

It gives me the shivers.

I got my Maths results and i failed F9 straight in my face.

My classmate got A or something and she went "Wah i did so badly lahh!!!" and all i could do was just stare at her, realizing how fucked up my life was, and just waiting for myself to break down.

So i texted Mama and what she said just made me want to cry more.

She did not scold me at all.

AT ALL.

And i felt such guilt take over me so hard and fast.

Ive seen people fail since primary six and ive seen them and still do see them bucking up so high and im still that down low.

I am weak in Mathematics. I am weak in Sciences. I am weak in Humanities. I am getting weaker by the month in Malay.

I have so much hope on English it scares me.

And as for why im crying over my results,

its not because i failed by 69 marks, 19 marks, 10 marks, or even a freaking 1.5 marks..

Its more like because i failed my parents.

And i failed myself.

I have to pass all these shit in the end anyway.

Mama & Papa, i love you :')

In a relationship

Missing your reminders.
Miss you <3.
I'll hold on.

Thats it

Well thats that..

I left this blog and the lappy alone for two whole weeks..

Literally.

Well, another reason why im not updating is also because,

theres nothing to update. Really.

Unless you wanna know that my papers were so freakin depressing.

I wanted to give my all in SA2 but guess i didnt.

Anyway, today was my last papers.

Home after that, and then City Square with Aunt Amy and Ezt.

And then met Mum downstairs and went for hair treatment.

Not supposed to be told.

But.

Things have been difficult.

What brand

I think i get it
Interested
And when no longer, you just leave it at that
I think i get it
Needed
And when no longer, you just leave it at that
I think i get it
Like Colonialism
Taken advantage of
And when gotten the profits, just leave it at that
I think i get it
Stressed
And so that person, just leave her at that
I think i get it,
Maybe, just maybe,
Its time, i just leave you at that.
I think i get it.

:'(