Freedom.

I FEEL VERY VERY SUPER DAMN EXCITED NOW LIKE RIGHT NOWXZ.

LIKE SOME KIND OF FREEDOM.

SOME KIND OF ACCOMPLISHMENT.

:D :D :D

ITS THE 28th.

RIGHT?

AM I RIGHT?

YES IM RIGHT ITS THE 28th.

3 MONTHS.

IT TOOK ME 3 MONTHS.

YA I KNOW ITS NOT VERY LONG BUT,

SHEEESH THIS FEELING OF EXCITEMENT.

NO I DONT KNOW WHY ITS EXCITEMENT.

I JUST CAN TASTE THE FREEDOM.

AHHH IT TASTES GOOD.

I FINALLY MADE UP MY MIND.

:D

i have decided that what im really looking for is a serious relationship for my next. If there ever will be at all. I dont want it to be those kind of dont-do-this-cos-i-say-so or dont-do-this-youll-have-less-time-for-me or ya-meet-me-and-ill-send-you-home-afterwards or hey-happy-monthsary-i-love-you-and-always-will-we'll-be-forever or whatever. (hey that rhymes) i want my next boyfriend to accept me for who the hell i fucking am, not say forever but always, stick with me, who can listen to all my problems, most importantly whom i can trust, cos when i say problems i really mean like bigtime problems ok, and for every monthsary, i dont want anything, i dont want to count, i dont want ANYTHING, i just want him to be constant, standing right where i need him, where i can find him and where he can find me and most most MOST importantly i want him to LET ME TAKE EVERY SINGLE OPPORTUNITY FOR MYSELF. Remember, like when i cried because of NDP? Yeah, i want a real boyfriend with the mind of a real man who would say "Yes you should take part, i know it would be hard for you to cope with your studies but i will be there for you, i will support you, NDP is pretty much a huge thing to be in. Go for it. I love you." Rather than "EEEE NDP? For what? You tell me? You will get anything for NDP meh? Better you go dance at the street right? Wtf." SEE THE DIFFERENCE? I really think it should be this way, and not forgetting i want him to be able to TEACH me, be it studies or sports or music or maybe even dance, but most importantly about religion. Because ive been missing out, whats the point of a boyfriend when he cant do anything good am i right am i right? He must bring me to the right path. I want somebody that i can talk to. I rather those quiet guys, and i want em short. I want em like me. I dont want happy happy rs' where you cant listen to me talk and you dont wanna talk to me. I dont want him to be those "haiy, there she goes again. She keeps on telling me her problems..." There isnt a point is there? The past really helps you for the future you know. Thinking back, ive learned about whats more important. The past kills you, so much, but oh well fuck that. Everyone goes thru that. Wake up and make plans for the better future. Gotta work your life out, the good way. We all can. ;)

Alright, yes, i know its tooo early to think about that now. Hello, im just 15, i cannot find a guy like that now, im too young for a serious r/s. Im just 15, i want to talk about serious, setia and everything? Can i be serious?

Well i think i can.

BUT. Thats the best part!!

I AM JUST 15 AND I CANT FIND ONE!!!!!!

YOU GET WHAT I MEAN?!

THAT MEANS I WONT FALL UNTIL YEAAAAAARS LATER.

:D :D :D :D

AHHHHHHH IT ALL ADDS UP.

IT DOESNT MATTER ANYMORE WHETHER IM THE ONLY ONE WITHOUT OR WHATEVER.

BECAUSE IT REALLY DOESNT MATTER.

IT DOESNT MATTER ANYMORE HOW I DRESS WHAT I DO HOW I EAT WHO IM WITH WHY I CRY HOW I TAKE PICTURES ETC.

SHEEESH FUCK THE 3 MONTHS MADE ME SUFFER TTM.

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER?

IT DOESNT WORK ON ME ANYMORE, IM SORRY.

AS MUCH AS I DO MISS YOU.

BUT AS MUCH AS I THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

IS IT YOU, THE ONE THAT I WANT TO WALK ME HOME FROM EVENTS, THE ONE I WANT TO HOLD MY HAND, THE ONE I WANT TO TALK TO EVERY NIGHT, THE ONE I WANT TO LISTEN TO MY PROBLEMS AND TO ADVICE, THE ONE THAT I WOULD LOVE TO "TAKE OWNAGE OVER" AND ETC.

AS MUCH AS I DO WANT ALL THESE.

I THINK AGAIN AND I REALIZE,

NOPE.

BECAUSE IT AINT POSSIBLE.

BECAUSE IN THE END I WILL ASK YOU TO GO BACK.

EVEN IF IT IS, IT WOULDNT WORK OUT. TRUST ME. ;)

GOSH IM SMILING AS I TYPE THIS.

IM JUST HAPPY.

WHY?

BECAUSE TODAY ON THE 28th AFTER 3 WHOLE MONTHS I FINALLY LET MY HEART FLY.

FLY HEART FLY!

I LOVE YOU ALRIGHT.