I miss making someone smile.
Im afraid of what i am, will be.
Eating millions of calories per day, cooking things, and now beginning to count them and wont go for those over 300.
What the fucks gonna happen next?
I even thought to myself, even if i can do the shit i cant, or wear shit i cant, i still probably wouldnt be able to, cuz of my body.
I have many dreams i wanna chase, but i feel so pinned down.
I have choices i cant make.
I have things to look forward to, but im not ready.
Feeling sick to my head, eyes, stomach, mind, but not being sure why.
Wanting things i dont use.
Wishing things i cant have.
Waiting things that wont come.
Trying things that dont work out.
Hoping things will work out.
Im wondering how i sounded so happy these days.
I ripped something i was supposed to give to a fucking exboyfriend a year plus ago.
All this why?
Is it because theres nobody there anymore that i know will make me smile?